Hard As i try i know i cant quit

Bored in the appartments!

2009-11-11T12:40:00.000-08:00

Juicyy fo yaaa' !(:

2009-11-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

2009-11-10T22:26:00.001-08:00

Just got off the phone w/ jaaay(chubbywhubby) the cutesst, hmm tryna sell some shoes for his at doee! royal blue 1's s

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2009-11-10T18:29:00.001-08:00

Havnt beeen on blogspot for a soooopa long ass time!

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2009-11-10T18:28:00.001-08:00

Phone w/jaaay

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update part 1

2009-08-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

so summers been really crazy -__- ike fml thoo ' ive been crying alott. i miss you like crazyy . i just wna die but at the same time no cause im scared.. the bigest fear is that im gna loose you . i wish i was w/ you everysecond of the dayy .. like going school w/ each other & everything. /= i havnt blogged for so longg ! ok , sooo lets catch up on things. i havnt got my period! o.O weird . scawwyy tooo . uhmm so i called my uncle the other day crying cause how my parents wont let me have a boyfriend! & its like they let me miss my opportunity getting w/ jp ! urhh . so now i gotta waitt. its hela nerve rackin how they tryna control my life! like im getting sick of it , i can make my own choiceee . summer=- boringg i didnt get to see YOUUU! as muchh . urghh . when my plan was suppose to hae thi summmer w/ you but you were bussy w/ your cahsinnnn , its all goood tho '
so youve beeen hella bussy & ive beeen bored out my lifee. no liee ! i saw you a coupple times but thats jst a couplee! we went waterworld together! had hellla funnn [[; met your family! was the best day . but at the end i got in troubl its ok thoo ' was worthh ittt! i love you , btw ahaha

blog tmrrw ! - nightttt

..

2009-08-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

I really dont know why, but i feel like im nothing, i feel like im just there, another girl standing right there. Not feeling special, not the way i usually suppose to feel. why.

2009-07-28T23:42:00.001-07:00

ive beeeen so happpy ! like i was just reborn ! ahaha, [[[;

2009-07-28T23:41:00.001-07:00

WOOOOW!

2009-07-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

Havnnt blogged for a whilee! sheeez, summma's beeen a borinnngg shitt.

hellla borrinng! soo i went waterworld w/ babyjp ! && his familyy
was funnn !but i got in troublee, my aparents got over it eventually thooo
we needa do this agai thoo ^^^

IM taking studio pictures w/ jayy sooooon [[[; yayyyy . ! been looking forward on thatt

2009-07-15T15:53:00.001-07:00

S U M M A' s suppose to be great this yrr.
but for me its all a mess /'= a big mess, that cant be fix .. im trying and trying but cant seem to fix itt

2009-07-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

Havnt blogged in so longgg -____-

crying and cryingg al the time nowadaysss'
you think i dont want you ? why do you think i act like this? maybe because im hella inLOVE with you .. /'= i guess you dnt see itt..

- nuffin elsee said.

2009-07-10T13:44:00.001-07:00

2009-07-10T13:42:00.001-07:00

2009-07-10T13:40:00.001-07:00

2009-07-10T13:38:00.001-07:00

2009-07-10T13:31:00.001-07:00

"When Everything In Love Gets So Complicated, It Only Takes A Day To Change It."

its like you have no more time for me anymore

2009-07-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

im not trying to tell you to put me as your first priority ,never ok ? its just i feel urghh whenver your doing things witout mee.. yknow? i tell you its fine , but its nott. i just cant stand how your out doing whatever the heck your doing , out with your friends & me? im home.. online, tv? music .. being bored without you , its jst killing me inside )=

TWIN

2009-07-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

LOL! so like doesnt this picture loook so much alikee? ^^^ ? ahaha yeaa thats my twin alexia! miss her ass alowwtt! tryna kick it with her before summmaa ends(:

BLOG

2009-07-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

havnt blogged for a week now!

june 25; watched ice age dawn of the dinos! & UP second time watching up , but ice age was the shitt, funnny ass shitt tho' numbaa 1 rule always listen to buck , crackn ass moviee. aftaa UP camee. jst fell asleeep . stayed at the drive in till like 1 ?

June;26 FINALLLLYYY i watched TRANSFORMERSSS! was hella sickkk ! gahhh

July 1st; JADEN'S birthday ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JADEN!

Julysixxxx; H1YR&5M W/J.M + @ camping with family! first day of camping was chill ! we set up all the tents and everything, hmm uhmm firstt time on cj's boat! was fun

july 7; camping with familyy , k so i tried wake boarding ! couldnt get the hang of itt. cant get myself up , lol -____- tiring as fuckk tho ' ! my sister nikki got it , was kinda dissapointing cause shes younger than me. even cjs little brother chris got it tooo , so its me and cj who didnt . well we wernt the only ones , but yeaa. so we went tubingg too ! i drove the jetskiii ! i like riding on the waves helllaa fun ! i rode with aaron and chris ! and after with cj

july 8 ; HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CJ! lol it was a fun night, cjs dad said oohh i garentiii yu you look in your pants youll have pubs ahaha , that night i got ascared by my dad , and tita . i was walking back to the camp with my auntie and i wa ahead of her , and it was dark tooo , i was walking near the car and my dad and auntie jump outt like screaming and i got hella scared! crazy ass night thoo ' they also scared all the boys! i heard aaron got scared the mostt ! AHAHAH .

july 9 ; woke up , moooody . missed jp ... havnt tlked to him for a long ass time. feeels weird. went home ! got sun burn , huwrtss like fuckkk -___-

2009-07-02T19:40:00.001-07:00

2009-07-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

love its like lighting , you get struck once and babby ,its kills

2009-07-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

its been 2 days already ? ive been crying and crying .. my favcousin told me to jst hang in there, my bestfriend toldme this also ... the one person that really is here for me is christine guevarrra &&& imi diramos .. imi she told me to jst relax and wait let go of you for now & in no time you;; come back to me.. she said eventually you might missme alott .. so im jst gna do what i have to do for now, christine? she told me to be patient and give you your time so i am , i love you alottt jstt to let you know , &&& no matter what im still gna be here

@7:33pm , getting ready to go to the drive in at concord to watch up ! with family.. hmm gna be fun ? no ! not really in the mood -____- tryna keep my head p for HIM[; because i know i can do this. i know i can do this for you ..

blog laterr when i get home!

iloveyou jp!

i miss you so muchh ..

2009-06-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

i d k what to do no more .. im giving up slowlyy , & it hurts ; should i let go now ? i know it hard for me to let go , but it seems ike its the best thing for us .. im moving there now and his is all coming to an end )'= i wnt you so much , but things like the world is jst getting in the way of us.. i thought you wouldnt let anything get in betweeen us? but its not happeneing , everythigs coming @ me so fastt. and its not gooood. one thing at a time pleasee..

i wna cry myself to sleep at night but i know im better than that.. just thinking about all the things weve been throughh , all the arguements & everythingg .. it makes me cry cause things changed alot with us .. & it hurwtssss /'= i miss you .. i really miss youu

In the way- Neyo

Convo's about ...

2009-06-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

[17:04] DenzelleLUBSyouu: christine!
[17:04]CG: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:04] DenzelleLUBSyouu: are you okaii ?
[17:04] DenzelleLUBSyouu: why you sad?
[17:05] CG: hii...
[17:05]CG:cos me &vince broke up...
[17:05] CG: what ?!
[17:05] DenzelleLUBSyouu: why christinee what happend now ..
[17:05] CG: &he said he wasn't coming back, so I guess we're rlly done...
[17:05] DenzelleLUBSyouu: awhh , christine r u ok ?
[17:06] CG:we keep arguing... &he's tired of it...
[17:06] itschristinexd: I was crying..
[17:06] DenzelleLUBSyouu: thats how me & jp are
[17:06] DenzelleLUBSyouu: thats why he broke up with me
[17:06] DenzelleLUBSyouu: christine its like were in the same situation ..
[17:07]CG: =/
[17:08] CG:: it's not a good feeling...
[17:08] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know ..
[17:08] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:08] itschristinexd: &iono, I just.. I just wish everything was just okay...
[17:08] DenzelleLUBSyouu: thats how im feeeling ..
[17:09] itschristinexd: he's not even willing to come back to me or try to work things out...
[17:09] itschristinexd: so I guess I should just move on...
[17:11] DenzelleLUBSyouu: maybe he jst needs time to think , dnt just jump and say ok im gna move onn , christinee.. i know u forgot about him for a while u know u can do it again , i mean its beeen 6 or 5 months with him not in your life thats goood! and i proud of you for that , your strongg . vnce jst doestn realize he jst let go of something goof & watch again he's jst gna think & say man i jst let go of that girl , the one everyones going forr
[17:11] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:12] DenzelleLUBSyouu: don't give up , like what you told me .. im keeping my head up cause i know im better than that
[17:13] itschristinexd: I don't wanna go through the whole break thing anymore tho... I'm so sick &tired of everything that has to do w/him...
[17:14] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ok , if thats what you really want christine then jst do what you feeel , but dnt force yourself to stop loving vince ..
[17:14] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:14] DenzelleLUBSyouu: he's always gna be there , & you know thatt.
[17:16] itschristinexd: iono... ehh, denni you know that this is the only guys out of all the guys I talked to that I loved the most &rlly cared for...
[17:16] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know tht , same for me.. like okaii me & you went throughh alot with these boys? and were still here.
[17:16] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:17] itschristinexd: EXACTLY. its not that easy... but we'll get through it...
[17:17] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know we can do this christinee.. i know its hard , life's not that easyy & its jst the way things are..
[17:17] itschristinexd: I know... iono what to do now...
[17:18] DenzelleLUBSyouu: there's like so many things i ask myself everyday , like why do things need to be like this? why us? why do people put so much effort into someone and so much energy & the other person doesntt well they do for a period of time & then later jst give u on the other personn . like why be commited in the first placee?
[17:18] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:26] itschristinexd: exactly.....
[17:26] itschristinexd: ehh...
[17:26] itschristinexd: iono....
[17:26] DenzelleLUBSyouu: mhmm ..
[17:26] DenzelleLUBSyouu: idk either ..
[17:27] DenzelleLUBSyouu: likee its kinda pointless right?
[17:27] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:27] itschristinexd: yeah! like iono, I wanna let go, but I just can't.
[17:28] DenzelleLUBSyouu: same here..
[17:28] DenzelleLUBSyouu: like you have that feeling like ooh i dnt need you im much better than this , i koww & then a part thats breaking down & wants him more than anything & cant let go even if it hurts so muchh
[17:28] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:29] itschristinexd: ehh... iono, we'll see what will happen soon...
[17:29] itschristinexd: omg denni... were going through the same exact thing...
[17:29] DenzelleLUBSyouu: "Don't nobody wanna see you happy, they always try to take your joy, bring you down"
[17:35] itschristinexd: forreal.. so true.. denni, imy!
[17:36] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i miss you too ! i didnt tell her what happend i jst said where in the same situation & this is what she said
[17:36] itschristinexd: (auto-response from itschristineXD) +sk08 for sale, hit me fassst if your interested!
[17:52] itschristinexd: awwh, well tell her I said everything she said is true &thanks. sorry for the late reply deni. ill i/m you ina bit cos ima eat out w/my mom. ilyt&imyt. bye for now
[17:52] itschristinexd: thanks for everything denni!

[17:02] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: Yo
[17:02] DenzelleLUBSyouu: hii
[17:03] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: never hit me up anymore denzelle
[17:03] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you coo now?
[17:03] DenzelleLUBSyouu: im ok ,
[17:03] DenzelleLUBSyouu: change your colorr of you fontt
[17:03] DenzelleLUBSyouu: pleaseee.
[17:03] DenzelleLUBSyouu: you dnt tlk to me no more
[17:03] DenzelleLUBSyouu: )=
[17:03] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: alright wassup
[17:03] DenzelleLUBSyouu: nothingg , idk
[17:03] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: hmmm
[17:03] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you okay now hto
[17:03] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you ahppy agian?
[17:04] DenzelleLUBSyouu: no ..
[17:04] DenzelleLUBSyouu: not at all
[17:04] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: its okay im sad too
[17:05] DenzelleLUBSyouu: why
[17:05] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: same shit your in
[17:05] DenzelleLUBSyouu: awh .
[17:05] DenzelleLUBSyouu: jp calld me last nightt..
[17:05] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: and then?
[17:06] DenzelleLUBSyouu: he was like hii .. do you still wnt me & i said yea , he goes how much ? and i was like you know ok ..
[17:08] DenzelleLUBSyouu: & then he says ooh you know i love you but u cant always have it your way , & i know thatt .. but he's not far ok look , he told me ooh just wait our turn to talk o me when im with my friends then im with them so dnt bother so i dont & then when he gets home its suppose to be MYYYturn ! & then when he calls me he says ooh im tired , he's not being fair .. & he knows he's not being equal but he does it still
[17:10] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: damnnn
[17:10] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: OUCH
[17:11] DenzelleLUBSyouu: mhmm '
[17:11] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: its okay DENNY
[17:12] DenzelleLUBSyouu: its not ok
[17:12] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: it wont last forever like thiss eventually youll be happy again
[17:13] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i knoww . i guess , who knowss
[17:14] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ok , look why put some much effort in to someone you meeet & committ yourself to them & laterr they jst stop ? they find reason jst to like stopp ? why do these things happen ? what r the reasons for this
[17:14] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: it happens denzelle its just something you have to learn
[17:15] DenzelleLUBSyouu: why now? i wishh .. things wernt like thiss..
[17:15] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: it will happen againn denzelle
[17:15] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: its just how life isss
[17:15] DenzelleLUBSyouu: life's complicated
[17:15] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i hate itt
[17:15] DenzelleLUBSyouu: alott.
[17:16] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: its okayy
[17:16] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: a lot of people
[17:16] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: ahve the same things
[17:19] DenzelleLUBSyouu: )=
[17:19] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i dnt like itt..
[17:19] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: theres times where your gonna hate it
[17:19] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: but times were your gonna lovei t
[17:19] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i knoww , i had those timess..
[17:20] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i went through it .. & it doesnt feel good.
[17:20] DenzelleLUBSyouu: the times were i hate itt.. i jst dnt wnt it there.
[17:20] DenzelleLUBSyouu: like why cant things jst be positive all the time?
[17:20] DenzelleLUBSyouu: why put the bad in itt?
[17:20] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: thats how its always gonna be
[17:20] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ...
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: yeahhh
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: thats life
[17:27] DenzelleLUBSyouu: its pointless then ..
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: dont sayyy that
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you have a lot of people besides jp denzelle
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you have your family
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: and friends
[17:27] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: and more other fishies out there for you
[17:29] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know ..
[17:30] DenzelleLUBSyouu: but i dnt wnt no one else at the moment , there's a part in me that says ok im gna let goo & a part where i ddnt wnt too
[17:30] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: let go and take a break denzelle
[17:30] DenzelleLUBSyouu: its not as easy as i thought it would be ..
[17:30] DenzelleLUBSyouu: )=
[17:31] DenzelleLUBSyouu: im trying ok , so like yesterday was like the first time he ever call me in a long time , when i saw my phone riging i didnt think it would be him yknow? like i was suprised .. & likee i ccan forget about himm .
[17:32] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: thats how you feel right no
[17:32] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: w
[17:33] DenzelleLUBSyouu: right noww .. seems likee foreverr
[17:37] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: i know its harrrd
[17:37] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you just need a break
[17:37] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: im telling you
[17:37] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: the more you talk to him
[17:37] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: the more worse it will be hard on you
[17:37] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i dnt tlk to him no more tho '
[17:37] DenzelleLUBSyouu: thats the thingg..
[17:37] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i dntt
[17:38] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you talked to him last night
[17:38] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: haha
[17:38] DenzelleLUBSyouu: yea for a short period of time...
[17:38] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: that still counts brah
[17:39] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: if you guys
[17:39] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: bring up you missing eachother
[17:39] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: then yeah
[17:39] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ok .. i gues yea thats counts
[17:39] DenzelleLUBSyouu: lol
[17:39] DenzelleLUBSyouu: but still !
[17:39] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: come on denzelle
[17:39] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: you gotta have your own space right now
[17:40] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: i dont like seein you hurt like this anymore
[17:40] DenzelleLUBSyouu: .. i knoww i needa be outt , i mean me jst staying home is jst makein be sadd as much
[17:40] DenzelleLUBSyouu: more & more sad
[17:42] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: its okayyy
[17:42] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: im sad too
[17:42] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: your gonna get used to it
[17:43] DenzelleLUBSyouu: .. urgh
[17:44] UnDeRaTeDxXx123: trust mee

[17:29] JordanF717: no
[17:29] JordanF717: don't give up
[17:30] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i cant do this..
[17:30] DenzelleLUBSyouu: love?
[17:30] DenzelleLUBSyouu: its bullshitt
[17:30] JordanF717: yeah u can
[17:30] JordanF717: don't give up
[17:31] DenzelleLUBSyouu: no i cant..
[17:31] JordanF717: ughh
[17:32] JordanF717: u jus need to find sumone who can love u the way u need to be loved
[17:32] DenzelleLUBSyouu: mhmm ' i knoww..
[17:33] JordanF717: it's true
[17:33] DenzelleLUBSyouu: )'=
[17:34] JordanF717: cuz rite now u need a real love
[17:34] JordanF717: to prove u wrong
[17:34] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know i doo .. but at this moment there's no one i wantt but him
[17:34] DenzelleLUBSyouu: just him , only him .
[17:34] DenzelleLUBSyouu: idk whats wrong with mee
[17:35] JordanF717: u still love him
[17:35] JordanF717: nothing wrong with that
[17:35] DenzelleLUBSyouu: jordan , he's like my first love .. i love him so much , i cant even let goo .. its to hard for me .
[17:35] DenzelleLUBSyouu: )'=
[17:35] JordanF717: u shared vella with him
[17:36] JordanF717: hella
[17:36] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know . i did alott alott
[17:36] DenzelleLUBSyouu: )'=
[17:37] JordanF717: time to share ur love with sumone else
[17:37] JordanF717: cuz u gothella to offer
[17:38] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ..
[17:38] JordanF717: imagine finding sumone who hella loves u,and how that would be like
[17:39] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i wnt too . but somethings jst holding me back
[17:40] JordanF717: have u tried
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: no ..
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: not really
[17:41] JordanF717: maybe u should
[17:41] JordanF717: with sumone u trust
[17:42] DenzelleLUBSyouu: mhmm ' ill try but its not gna workk
[17:42] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know itt
[17:42] JordanF717: how do you knpw
[17:42] JordanF717: know
[17:43] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i dnt wna go tthorugh this again
[17:43] JordanF717: u wont
[17:44] DenzelleLUBSyouu: yes i am ..
[17:44] DenzelleLUBSyouu: my friend told me
[17:44] DenzelleLUBSyouu: this isnt gna be the only time
[17:44] JordanF717: u won't if u don't try

[17:27] ayeeyobrendaa: Gf! What's wrong?!
[17:27] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ok , me and christine my bestfriend before r going through the same things right now
[17:27] ayeeyobrendaa: (auto-response from ayeeyobrendaa) Movies with the family.
&Lorraine, I'm still here. Aim me when you're back.

"Don't nobody wanna see you happy, they always try to take your joy, bring you down."
[17:27] DenzelleLUBSyouu: with our lovelife
[17:28] ayeeyobrendaa: Aww, wtheck?.. That's kinda weird. But are you arightt? Wanna talk err no?
[17:29] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know it iss. me & her are tlking about if etting gorr..
[17:29] ayeeyobrendaa: (auto-response from ayeeyobrendaa) "Don't nobody wanna see you happy, they always try to take your joy, bring you down."
[17:29] DenzelleLUBSyouu: but hard at the same time
[17:31] ayeeyobrendaa: Why's it hard?
[17:31] DenzelleLUBSyouu: it is
[17:31] DenzelleLUBSyouu: giving up isnt that eassyy'
[17:33] ayeeyobrendaa: Jp?
[17:33] DenzelleLUBSyouu: mhm '
[17:33] ayeeyobrendaa: Yeah, it's not. Have you guys been talking lately?
[17:33] DenzelleLUBSyouu: girlfriend , idk why im stil on him , memeber when i tlkd to ou that one dayy
[17:33] DenzelleLUBSyouu: noo , well he calld me for the very first time yesterdayy
[17:35] ayeeyobrendaa: We talked a lot of days gf. Well.. It's kinda normal. Cus you two have been together for more then a year & then what? You two just aren't together anymore. You'll feel better later, I know you will. You're gonna find someone who deserves you, who'll treat you right, and will always make you smile. Both you and Christine will. Cus wtheck, we're still young. He's just your first love, that was there for you and everything.
[17:37] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i know im better than this , im jst being deppressed , urghh )= girlfriend i really jst trying so hard to stop thinking about him realy but its not workingg..
[17:39] DenzelleLUBSyouu: tell me! your getting braces! & wsupp ?
[17:39] ayeeyobrendaa: You ARE better then that. Look what he's put you thru. You don't wanna be sad and everything all the time. You needa do something, like go out and have fun. You're home and everything and it's just gna make you think hella.
[17:41] ayeeyobrendaa: Yes! I am. Omg, tmrw too.. Read Dj's who I'd like to meet.
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i did !
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: lol
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: was like wtff
[17:41] ayeeyobrendaa: HAHAHA. I was hella laughing.
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: LOL!
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: yaaa
[17:41] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ahaha
[17:43] ayeeyobrendaa: But anywho, gf! BE HAPPPPY. (=
[17:43] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i canttt ' urghh
[17:43] ayeeyobrendaa: We should hella go 'guy hunting.' ;] hahaha.
[17:43] DenzelleLUBSyouu: i wna be happy! jp even said denzelle, i want you to be happy .. thats all you want & i said no ok
[17:44] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ahaha! guy huntingg!
[17:44] ayeeyobrendaa: See, he still cares for you. That's all people want, for everyone to be happy.
[17:44] ayeeyobrendaa: Shiet, I'm seriously. I want a bf. LOL.
[17:45] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ahaa! Lol
[17:45] DenzelleLUBSyouu: but stil gf! if he cares then why does it have to be like this!!!?
[17:45] ayeeyobrendaa: What's like this? Like.. You're sad n stuff?
[17:47] DenzelleLUBSyouu: like yea , why did he need to break up with me?
[17:47] ayeeyobrendaa: Oh.. He broke up with you?
[17:48] DenzelleLUBSyouu: yes
[17:48] DenzelleLUBSyouu: where not toghetherr.
[17:48] ayeeyobrendaa: You two were having problems and everythin gf. Maybe it's a break? Idk..
[17:48] DenzelleLUBSyouu: k ..
[17:48] ayeeyobrendaa: Try not to trip off of it plssss. Cus trust me, you're gna find someone. I know you're sad n stuff, but you will. That's a promise.
[17:48] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ill text you laterr , i think im napp
[17:49] DenzelleLUBSyouu: mmk , thanks girlfriendd. .
[17:49] ayeeyobrendaa: Mk. You better text me! Anytimee.
[17:49] DenzelleLUBSyouu: ily! ill ttyl ,
[17:49] ayeeyobrendaa: You tooooo!
[17:49] ayeeyobrendaa: But k.

you called ..

2009-06-29T00:05:00.001-07:00

you called me .. i didnt answer the first time , because idk i was feeling down .. you signed off aim in the morning , & i didnt even get to respond to you .. )'= i really jst dont know what to do no more.. ever since you walkd out of my life saying your " single " there's so many guys coming at me , its crazyy i dnt wna get into another relationship after what happpend to uss.. im hurting so much .. you dnt even knoww what to do , should i keeep trying & tryingg , what do u want me to do ? there's so many things i want you to answer but you can never answer them in a straight answerr, do you still want me? as much as i want you ? do you want a new girl ? do u want me to give up on you now? if you do just tell me so i can cry & get hurt at once becausee this pain is jstt urghh

is there another girl ? i dont want you lying to me, i mean ima find out eventually , might s well tell me now... i understand if there is

i jst dnt knoww , im going crazyy because " love " idk if its love orr im jstt hella trippn offa someshitt

crazy - kc & jojo

im sowwy if i didnt do as much for you , but that doesnt mean you jst give up on me, if you wnt someone better then jst go goo ,, goo loook for herr. she's somewhere out there. finally sophomore year & my parents where gna accept you .. but now this? its all to an end ! jst like that , blink of an eye.. didnt even see this comingg

do you want me to forget about you ? if you do then ill delete everything about you , ima throw everything that you gave me if you want... delete your number , your myspace .. your aim , jst so that i dnt think of you no more. i know its gna be hard for me..

alot of things are roming in my head right now , crazy shittt. idk how to explain it

you say you want me happy, but im not .. i dnt think im gna be happy ever again , i mean from the outside of me it may look like im happy but inside its justt eeeh , pain nothingg alone..

idk if your gna read this blog , i dnt think it'll matter .. so idk why im doing this .. im jst tryna explain or tell how im feeeling at thi momentt ... its 12:18 and im upp

2009-06-27T00:12:00.000-07:00

gosh so i wrote a long as blogg & my internet jst stoppd and erased every single shittt
ok , summaryy rolled up lumpias with madre , went for a walk in the mountains!
&&&& toook a pictureeee

post 2morrw
gnightttt .

him

2009-06-26T14:05:00.000-07:00

your the one i can be myself when im around you , no matter what you still stick around, your the one who i can be mad at but still have a funny face on , your the one i can trust. there' isnt one thing on this wrold that i couldnt tell you because i can trust you .. i miss everytthing about you

i wnt that guy who calls me back when i hang up .. who falls asleep with me on the phone, the one who keeps my picture in his wallet , who shows me to the world even if im in sweatpants and a sweater , who holds my hands infront of all his guy friends , the one whose constantly reminding me how mucch you care and lucky that you have me .. the boy who i can run to with a million tears on my face & he whipes them off saying " whose ass do i need to kick now" the one who turns to his friends and says thats her ..

continue laterr...

2009-06-25T23:15:00.001-07:00

anything you chase in life runs away. You can keep a man interested if he feels like he never completely has you. It doesn't mean playing a game of hard to get all the time, but more so that you shouldn't make a man the center of your universe. Don't give up plans or doing things you like to be with him. Keep your life exactly as it was before, only add him to it. Don't stop going to the gym or start seeing your friends less, because then the guy will lose respect for you thinking your giving up things to be with him. See him when it's convenient for you. Don't be needy and clingy because then you become more a burden than a reward. Be confident in yourself and your good qualities and know that any guy would be lucky to have you and should treat you that way. If someone doesn't treat you well, then find someone who does. It's as simple as that.- ?

2009-06-25T22:12:00.000-07:00

what can i say , life's kinda gettin better for me .. im moving back to daly city just like i wished , jp ? were working together to get through our problems, relationship with parents still hve to work on itt. people kept telling me there will be a point where things wil get better in no time.. im getting along with my sister nikki too ! kinda weird lol ;D but yeaa its okaii .

imiss my longhhairrrr /= i toook a long ass nap todayy ! when i woke upi nikki yeld at me saying watch jaden but i didnt feeel like it so i went to my mom and hellped her make L U M P i A yummmmmaaayy! lol , it took longg , i didnt make them right at firstt so my mommy got mad& before making lumpiaa she made me shave carrots , lol that was funn . NOTTTTT !

didnt hear from him today ..

2009-06-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

but im getting used to it , but really i just dont wanna get used to it, i dnt wnt things to change the way i feel about you

Promise in the dark- Keri Hilson

text from him; im happy your my baby its juss like you act like a baby cause you always want me to pick you up when i cant but you know that i always love you i know you always cry llikea baby and always get what you want cause i treat you like a queen and im your king =') i juss want to let you know if i act like this i will change its juss the fact you want me the most and i understand that its jussi want you to be happy with me

me: aawhhh /'=

him: babe im happy your my girl

me: ('=

us being gooofy ^^ miss those days..

if it comes to the point where you don't want me then ill be ok .. i just want you happy , regardless im gonna be here for you no matter what kayee, i know ill be the one who you can go to when your in a bad situation.. im only one call away k jay ? i know what we had happened for a reason .. & all i could do is be happy that we even happend .. but at the same time im gonna miss everything , i got so used to you .. im not saying your leavingg .. im jst saying if it comes to tht point were you give up on me . im here /'= - ilove you

2009-06-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

i wanted to watch transformers ! urghhh ! hmm 2morw ima watch it thoo ' yayy (: but yea today was so boring , boring as fuckkk -___- stayd home did nothing. i wanted to get outt. so i stayd home right and my parents went out to costco and when they came back my dad fuckin yells at me for no reason ! i was hella mad , like wtf i didnt do shitt trynn come at me side wayss fucckk . RIGHT now im talking to my girl JHEANECA CALANGIAN ! urghh i fxckn miss this girll ! my first fxckn friend at south cityy high. cool ass chick , fun to chill with . i wanna go back to south cityyy , so much . but will see. hmm eddie texted me today for the sk3 askin for $40 from me still . i was kinda pissd cause that shits been overr.. he buggn to much >=/

@9:25pm
i havnt talked to yett for today ! and im already feeling down .. i calld but your bussy
bbut what can i do ? your practicing for your cousins cotty ..

in the living room alone chilln watching Family Matters ;D
& on aim + blogging

guess what ? my dad just told me to make a fuckin facebook account just to monitor my shit, i ws like the fck ? i dont even have friends that have facebook not that i know of? ahaha and he goes ok so you dnt wna be friends with your parents? AHAHA! ;D he makes me laugh

im boredddd -___-

enough blogging for today/tonighttt.
ill prolly update laterr tonightt

chill ass day ! bruhh ;p

2009-06-23T22:31:00.000-07:00

chill? 2:00 getting ready to go to the water park in Antioch ! got readyyy , changed into bating suit. got my towel glasses , yknoww? all the things i need . lol , ipod $$$ for food phone ! and thats pretty much itt. left around 3 and fgot there at 3:30 , so when we got there i didnt really go right to swimming i just layed in the shade and layed back and chilld .. cause yknoww lol im cool like thatt. nikki, kayla and auntie znnia all went swimming right when we got there cause it was hella hawttt -___- . dj didnt get wet ! becausee he was hella tired from the day beforee. so he just toook a nap and watched our stuff the whole time. Jonathan [baby 4 yrs old] i watched him . we went to the kiddy area and we saw kayla going down the slidess. so i go ooh look jonathann look at kayla shes going down the water slide go follow her! so he did, he went down the slide like yayyy , & when he got to the bottom he started choking and drowning ahaha , and then kayla swam to him and pickd him up. i was like Jonathan was that fun? JONATHAN: noo ! i choking ! ME: ahahaha! sowwwyy . after that we went to his mommy at the other poool and told her about it and she just laughedd , ahha ;D but anywayss. i brought him back to dj , then i went swimming! & met up with nikki and auntie znnia . i was bored like around 6 something so i just toook picture of mysef with djs phone! ahahaha

S u r f i n w a t e r p a r k in Antioch!

hmm , so im watching confessions od a SHOPAHOLIC! so far its going goood. i think im just like herr lol , i gotta get what i want wen i want it! and if i need it right now then i get itt ! ahahaha, yeaaa. Jp calld me , he wanted to talk but i couldnt cause im watchingg.. & he hangs up just cause i said to call me back .. and he just clickd on me.. and he sounded sad when i calld him bacckk & i texted him asking whats wrongg & he saiddd he misses mee .. )= awhh , made me kinda sad

only one-cherish )=

@#$%^&

2009-06-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

don't you get that feeling when your with that one person that you say your in love with? when your with that person and you get butterfly's in your tummy. get the chills when your just hugging , or holding hands? don't you just miss those late night phone calls with him/her? when you fall asleep on the phone and wake up and look at your phone realizing he's/her is still on the line .. and you go oh , i have minutes! but you still talk and stay on till you guys wake up later in the morning.. i d k but i miss a lot of things that happened before.. but people say things change. .. things come and goo , well atleast some people come and goo , but some stay "the realest just because things change doesnt mean we have to stop making contact with each other.. /'= or stop texting, aiming each other on aim? why do things have to be so complicated. sometimes i just want to give up but i know i have to be strong just for you ; just for you im trying so hard to keep my head up high , sooner or later ima be touching cold ground/ flooor. you act as if your ok .. you make things look so easy from my point of view , it doesnt look like ur struggling because of this break or single thing or w.e .. just pretending im ok isnt right, people ask me if im fine and i say yes , because i dnt wnt people asking me ooh what happened? yknoww. like thats why i put a smile on my face all the time. but deep inside im tearing and hurting so much , but idk you just cant see it.. like this is no joke but this is the first time i ever feel like this , everyone in daly city always gets to see you but i dont , its only " once in a while " when im down there. i know that it cant always be me, but sometimess its just isnt fair how i dont get the same time as everyone else gets , likeur not being equal with me and thosee other[s] i miss being happy with you , iunno like if im happy your not .. its just so different now, and if its like that i d k , idnt know what to do no more , your not telling me how you feeel , your not showing me .i dont see any emotions from you. how we used to laugh about the stupidest things ever ? how we used to conversate for hours and always have something to talk about , but nowits like always silent on the phonee ..we enver have anything to talk about no more ..

Never Say Goodbye- Jojo.

hmm so i just put baby jaden to sleeep. dj just got back from daly city . hmm but yea were cleaning the house bcause of jaden's birthday party this Saturday , her 1st birthday ! but yeaa. the house is kinda clean !woo hoooo! ahah , but yeaa im suppa bored , we bouta hit the water park today(: i needa get OUT of this dam housee. i hate being here , lol jki .. oh i cant wait ima be out of this house in 3 months moving back to DC[; babyyy . ohh yesh! so like we bouta go to the water park in ANTIOCH. whaT ELSEE. im tryna go to the mall laaterrr to get gauges sp? ahha , my mommy wont let me thoo ' and idk im thinking if should still , my mommy said if i do i cant go out for the summma' -______- man ! well will see. ahaha

" its sad when people you know become people you knew when you can walk right pass them like they were never a big part of your life, how you used to be able to talk for hours and how now , you can barely even look at them ..

J A D E N

2009-06-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

...

2009-06-23T01:40:00.000-07:00

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life" - Bob Marly

@ 1:53AM

so im bored as fuck right now cant really sleeeeeep -________- so my summer so far , is alrightt i guessss. seeen people in daly city aldready .. i hate the fact i moved and i drifted away from alott of people.. i kinda blame myself in a way caue i didnt keep in touch , but not all my fault right? hmm so .. im kinda hungry right now , i d k what to eatttt thoo ;D everyones sleepingg and imNOTTT eehhh . its 2:04 now! and like imstill awake. i cant wait till we go campping on JULY 6- 8 for cjs birthday ! its gna be hella fun! ooh shitttt, itss almost my baby sister jadens birthday ! shes turning 1 years old and she still doesnt kno how to fxckn walk ! she's lattteeeee -___- wowzerss rightt? whenever we go outt " someone " always has to compliment on how cute she is, like wtf? mann . ahah jk she cute thooo ' kinda getting used to people saying she cutee . what can i say? she a lil mf' cutieeee. so that makes me cute too? ahaa not being conceited now.

i is hella bored

2009-06-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

today , a boring ass day . real talk , for the first time i was bored out of my life. so everyone went great america today except for me and other pppl. KINDA felt left out , but yeaa wasnt invited so i needa stop trippn . hmm so like todayy i woke up sore still . & around lunch time i went to hercules to order my babysisters birthday cake with my daddy& mommy sister and auntie. it was hawt there ! we stayed tehre til like 1 somet hingg and drove home after , i took a nap in the car & when we got home i continued to napp till 6 oclockk ! shittt. i was tired , ppl were tryna get me up but i was moody and bitchinn so i sleptt throughh it most of the time. then i woke up with a fatt headachee! i kinda dont know what to do now, i miss buttfaceLOVE /= hmm he got mad at me today because i didnt belive him that he didnt leave his phone in hercules, so he got upset and now were not talking no more, i had a talk with uhlexia " twin " todayy , was out of no where but yeaa. im tryna kick it with her some time next weeek when im down in daly city again . hm i miss her ! lol , we so calld " twins " i remeber when we first met each other too . like what the first couple of weeeks of school teachers kept calling me " alexia " and im like whatt? my namess denzelle! shitt, and they go i coulda sworn it was alexia i go noo , ahaha and same shit happend with alexia tooo . we look alike but shes light skinned moreeee(: but idk noww i havnt seen herr for a while now & yeaa. will see thoo ' ima hit her up one of these days next weeeeek. hmm its 1:28 AM. and i cant fckn sleep cause of my long ass napp ! so an hour ago i painted a picture right? AND ITS A PAINTING of me i guess.. things i like or is me? ehh ahah but yeahh ill show a picture of itt. lol its cuteeee in a wayy (:

my paintingg^^^^^

Fathers Dayyy

2009-06-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

sore as fuckk , woke up supppa soreee.i didnt feel like getting up at all ! shittt. hmmm so like today was fathers day ! i went out with my dads side of the familyy and had lunch at my grandpa's heezoussee. we had a yaammyy ass lunch x) likee mmhmmm goood. ahha but yeaa so today when i was over there me and my sisters had a photo shoot it was fun & funny lol, my uncle toook profeesional pictures of us and its hella steez. cleaan ass fxckk .ahha idk but its cutee. i want a camera like him ! suppaaa bad ! likeee hw about someone buy me one? and ill love you foreveaaaa.

so i kinda miss my buttfaceLOVE so mucchh . likee so muchh , havnt tlked to him on the phone latelyy. likee idk im kinda getting used to itt, but still missin late night phone calls /= miss it hella much. but heyy what can i do about it? so its 10:44PM , jst got off the phone with him like 10 mins ago" argueinngg " ovaa something again . as always, i jst have to get throguh it tho' i gotta be strong just for him, but anywayss im listening to only one-cherish. its like on repeatt. -____- idk why tho . soo i kinda made a blog spott just for " him" so that he knows how my day goess. since we barely tlk on the phone no more. & yeaa ... dj's going to great america 2morrw with " my friends" kinda mad dnt wna sayy why .. 2morrw i d k what im doing. since everyones gna be out, i jst cant wait till next weeek ima be down in daly city again & i can spend time with my buttfaceLOVE ; if he " wants too " tho. he prolly does but idk , will seeeee. i painted my nails , and its cheetahhh , not as cute to me thoo ' on my thumb nail theres a " J " and on my other hand on my pinky theres a " J " . hmm what else to writeeee. uhmmmm uhmmm , well i think im done noww. nothing elseee to tell aboutt. ouutt!

a long dayyy -____-

2009-06-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

[tiyyyadddd] woke up to a doorbell around 6 because aaron and them came to cjs house. so they all went to cjs rooom because everyonee was still sleepingg & offcourse they were loud! so i couldnt reallly sleeep . so i got up and took aarons ipod out of my bag. put ipod on blast and fell back asleeeep(: that was goood! finally woke up like around 9 , had to get ready for my cousins performance /dance [wspa] got ready, didnt really try to dress nothing that special no one to impress. got to san mateo for the performance thingy at 10:19am. so like 10:20 or somthing it started watched till 1:55, left and went serra bowl for JAVIONS birthday ! bowling was fun , i bowled a couple of times tho' and then let my cusin christopher take over. so him and his mom made a bet if he makes 2 strikes or 2 spares he gets $5 and tell me why when he bowledfor me he got it and whenever he bowled for himself he didnt, but he still got $5 anywayss, ahaha cause i told his mom that he really did bowl it for mee. we bowled from 2-5 then everyone bounced and went off to whereever. after i left the party i thought i was oing home already but no i didnt i had to go to my 9 year old uncles birthday partyy ice skateingg. we were kinda early to the partyyy , lol . but ohh well. uhmm since we were early we jst watched my uncle [ 9 years old ] practice playing hokey. so his practie ended and we got to go skateing tooo ! & we played hokey , i fell like 2 times hella hard. it was suppa bad ! i had to laugh it off tho , so in the morning when i wake up ima be sore. i already knoww that. im home now , its been a weeek and im finally home . it was kinda weird when i got home cause i missed my little annoying cousin [ kayla ] i hugged her. and idk i jst missed her , i had like a week offa herr. lol , well back over here for a week then heading back to daly city againn babbbaayy ;D - laterr!

gnighttttttttt 11:29PM

chill day , as you can say ?

2009-06-19T23:41:00.001-07:00

So today was pretty chill , i saw my buttfaceLOVE today. we went out & chilld at his house. la la is cutee, always follows me tho' had fun at his housee(: i cried today ! hmm because i jst " miss " him, and becausee it feels like im " loosing him " . hmm weeve been talking for about 1 year & 4 months , pretty long right? yupp .
HiM; no matter what you will always be my babygirl .
ME: /'= ok ..
HiM; i love you

i love him! my parents like him. as you can see this is my first blog! ahah, but yea about " him " its 11:47PM & i wna talk to him on the phone but he's busssayy , & i dnt wna botherr. im tlking to my cousin air ronn about my problemms & he's tryna cheer me up . 2morrw he says he's gna bring me a caprisun cause he says it cheers him up , ahaha ;D he's kinda mad tho' well sum what dissappointed because he cant see " her " 2morrw cause shes sickk. &&& he's been looking forward on 2morrw! all he could tlk about was herr whenever we texxtt. and now that she cantt he's sadd noww )= . but he said next time i guess. 11:57PM im waiting for " his " call or texxt. just waiting patientlyyy(: well im cut it here - gnighttttttt ;D